Arianna was working hard and pursuing her master’s degree when she found out she was pregnant.

She remembers feeling two emotions at the same time: pride in everything she had worked to accomplish, and shame over what she believed her pregnancy would mean to the people who knew her best. She had always been someone others looked up to. Family members trusted her, and younger relatives saw her as an example. Suddenly, she was carrying something she wasn't sure she could tell anyone.

She worried that if her family knew, they would stop seeing her the same way. The expectations she had spent years living up to now felt impossible to carry. She was used to being the one who offered advice or encouragement to others. When she found herself facing one of the hardest decisions of her own life, she wasn't sure where to turn.

A long wait and a heavy room

At eleven weeks, Arianna decided to have an abortion. She arrived at a Planned Parenthood near her home at 8 a.m., expecting the day to move quickly. Instead, she found a waiting room filled with people. Looking around, she wondered if perhaps she was making too much of what she was feeling.

"It made me feel like, 'This is normal, I'm dramatizing my feelings.'"

As the hours passed, that feeling faded. The longer she waited, the heavier the experience became. Eventually, she was taken to another room where she waited with other women preparing for their procedures. What she remembers most isn't the room itself, but the atmosphere inside it.

Seeing the pain around her made the experience feel deeply personal. Every woman in the room had arrived there by a different path, but for a little while they shared the same quiet space. Arianna carried that memory with her long after she left.

"After the abortion, I just remember holding my stomach and feeling empty."

Rather than going straight home, Arianna walked to a nearby park. She spent hours walking in circles, crying, trying to make sense of everything that had happened that day.

She found herself imagining the future she had once pictured alongside the future she had chosen. At the same time, she felt certain she couldn't tell the people closest to her what she had been through. The fear of disappointing them hadn't disappeared. If anything, it felt even greater now.

The weight of silence

For the next month, Arianna told no one about her abortion except her boyfriend. Keeping it to herself initially felt easier than trying to explain what had happened, but the silence gradually became another burden she had to carry. Without anyone to process the experience with, her thoughts circled back to the same questions again and again.

"I was so scared to tell my family due to fear, but now I was just filled with shame."

Her relationship also became strained. She found herself resenting her boyfriend for not sharing his opinion before the abortion, while she struggled to sort through her own emotions afterward. She had made it through the procedure, but emotionally, she felt stuck. Life around her had moved on. She wasn't sure how to do the same.

Finding a place to process

Eventually, Arianna found Avail and met with a Care Expert. For the first time since her abortion, she had a place where she could speak honestly about what she had experienced without feeling pressured, judged, or expected to have everything figured out. Instead of trying to push her emotions aside, she was able to begin putting words to them.

Through those conversations, Arianna reflected on what she had been carrying for weeks. She didn't have to explain everything perfectly or pretend she was okay. She simply had space to process her experience at her own pace, ask difficult questions, and begin looking toward the future with new strength and perspective.

While every person's story is different, having a safe place to talk can make a meaningful difference. Some people process their abortion experience immediately. Others don't begin to sort through their thoughts and emotions until months or even years later. There is no timeline for when someone may want support, and there is no right or wrong way to experience it.

For Arianna, healing didn't begin because she suddenly had all the answers, but because she no longer had to carry everything by herself.

A story shared with permission

Stories like Arianna's are deeply personal. No two abortion experiences are the same, and no two people walk away with the same thoughts or emotions. Some people experience relief. Others feel sadness, anger, grief, uncertainty, or a combination of emotions that shifts over time. Many find themselves feeling emotions they didn't expect.

What Arianna's story reminds us is that it is possible to find a place where those experiences can be spoken about openly. Sometimes the opportunity to tell your story without fear of judgment is the first step toward understanding it.

You don't have to carry it alone

If you're processing an abortion experience, you don't have to do it alone.

Avail offers free, confidential support for women and men who are looking for someone to talk with after an abortion. Whether your experience was recent or happened years ago, our Care Experts provide a space to be heard, ask questions, and process whatever you're carrying without pressure or judgment.

Every conversation begins with listening. From there, you can decide what support feels right for you.

Avail Staff

Articles by Avail Staff represent the shared expertise of our team at Avail, a national organization committed to helping people facing unexpected pregnancy or processing a past abortion discover clarity and support. These posts reflect our philosophy of care and draw from real client experience, offering trustworthy insight for those seeking guidance, understanding, or next steps.